Being in a short film?!

Pretending is something a lot of people do. I’ve always liked to do it. When I was asked, “Hey Lex, how would you feel about being in my movie?” I didn’t know that it would change my whole outlook on life.

Most people freak out when I tell them I’ve been in a movie, well short film. Yeah, not going to lie, it was pretty cool, but that’s not even the most exciting thing about it. All of those long, cold days of filming really paid off when the movie won first place and was sent out to Hollywood. Here’s a little flashback:

    We first walked in.  Everything looked elegant. There was a carpet running down the aisle in between about 100 chairs on each side. At the front there was a big stage with a screen to show the films and a microphone so the announcer can talk and the winner can say their speech.

“Jim, we’re going to need you all to come up front with us.” The person who organized everything said in a monotone voice to our director. It was a little scary.

“What’s going on? Oh no, this is not good.” I thought. I actually ended up saying that outloud because everyone laughed at my nervousness. I felt like I was standing in front of the entire crowd of people and they were just staring back at me and everything was awkward.

“How many people are here?” I asked the director. “A little over 1,000. Dont worry Lexi, you did a great job. They moved us up front.” He whispered because the premiere was starting. A little over 1,000? Yup, no worries. I’ll be okay… Not.

All was quiet while I looked down at my lap, waiting for the next video. Then I heard my voice. I didn’t want to look at the screen, I looked at everyone’s face, and by the looks of it they loved it. Looking back, I have no idea why they did. My voice was so high pitched, and quite frankly annoying. Once it ended everyone stood up and began clapping. Everyone was staring at us, some smiling at me, some crying. That was easily the happiest moment of my life. A few other serious movies came on, but no one stood up to clap for them.

“Alright ladies and gentlemen, time to announce the winners!!!” As they called third and second, I remember shaking with nerves, I felt like I was on a very twisty roller coaster. ‘We’re not going to win.’ I thought. “And the winner of the festival is………… SACRIFICE AND BLISS!!!!!!!!!” We all jumped up and hugged each other, my mom and sister were crying. This was the moment, everything we’ve been doing for the past three months, we’ve been working for. We all worked so hard for this moment, and I could not be anymore proud.“Thank you all so much. This movie would not have been possible without the help of our friends and families. Lexi, do you want to say anything?” My co-star asked me. “Um, thank you?” I said more as a question than an actual statement. I was a little nervous, okay? Everyone laughed.

Ever since I was little, I liked to pretend. Whether I was a princess, a pirate, or a spy with my dog sidekick I was happy. Filming “Sac and Bliss” was an extraordinary experience. I got to work with some pretty great people who also helped me along the way. Being shy is a little difficult to deal with. I don’t like talking to people right away. Being in that movie made me realize pretending is what I do best. Pretending to be someone else for a little while and not dealing with my everyday life struggles is like a sigh of relief for me. It made me want to do something similar for a career. I want to be an actress and also a model on the side. Thanks to the cast I worked with, I will always treasure this moment, the moment I made my career choice.  

My Story

Everything started when I switched into a private school. My brother-in-law had wanted me to go there for a long time. He went to Saint Joseph’s and he said I was really smart and deserved to go to a good school, especially when my family moved around a lot. I agreed. I felt like I needed a fresh start, to broaden my horizons--experience new things and that’s exactly what I did.

I went and everyone made me feel welcome. At least until, a popular girl didn’t like that we shared a mutual friend, Sara. The unnamed popular girl wanted to make my school life horrible for as long as I was there. This girl would laugh when I made presentations or when I would talk to my friends. She embarrassed me by constantly talking about me to people. After that I was always shy, I thought everyone would do that to me too.  That is how I got to where I am today.

“What are they saying about me? What are they thinking about me?” I am always having these insecure thoughts.

After everything that happened, I moved all the way down to Florida. I wouldn’t talk much because I was so shy and I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to be back home with my friends and family in Massachusetts. I thought that if I didn’t make any friends, my parents would feel bad and move back home, but this guilt trip wasn’t working. “Alexis, you need to make friends. I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon, and I know you can easily make friends. You better have friends over soon,” my mother said. I tried to, but I was still scared that the new people in Florida would judge me.

Some kids tried to talk to me, they’d start it off like any other conversation would. “Hey,” they would say and I’d actually tried to talk to them. We’d have random conversations like talking about how different the weather is in Florida than in Massachusetts. They would even share how they used to think I was snobby until they started talking to me.

This changed how I felt; I didn’t want people to think I was snobby! One question always ran through my mind, “Was that why a lot of people wouldn’t talk to me?” I felt so bad for people I didn’t talk to in previous schools because I was upset that they’d think the same of me. I was in a new place now, I needed friends. I knew something needed to change, if I ever wanted friends in this new place.

No matter what, I will always be worried about what people think of me. Whether they think I’m too preppy, or nerdy, or snobby, because I’m not. If people laugh at a joke their friend says as I walk by, I get scared that they’re laughing at me. I always feel like I embarrass myself in front of my peers. My peers, the ones I don’t talk to, they don’t know me, and I’m pretty sure they don’t particularly care about getting to know me.  I wish I could walk through the halls with my head held high and be confident like other kids.

Teachers or adults, I feel, understand me more than my peers in a way. If I were to have a conversation with an adult or a teacher, I can talk to them perfectly fine like there’s nothing weird about it. Maybe I was born in the wrong time period? I have had conversations with many adults and teachers, and when I talk to them I feel as though we’re the same age.

One day I did a presentation for Mrs. Studebaker’s class where I had to teach the class. It  was so much fun for me. It was really scary, though, because the students could laugh at me or make side comments about me. However, they didn’t. They appreciated my knowledge that I passed on to them, even though I felt scared and meek.

I’ve been trying to overcome my barrier of being insecure of myself little by little. Overcoming a barrier is about being able to move on from it. It may not always be gone completely, but I have reached some sort of achievement. With the help of my friends and family, I am going to overcome this barrier.