My Story

Everything started when I switched into a private school. My brother-in-law had wanted me to go there for a long time. He went to Saint Joseph’s and he said I was really smart and deserved to go to a good school, especially when my family moved around a lot. I agreed. I felt like I needed a fresh start, to broaden my horizons--experience new things and that’s exactly what I did.

I went and everyone made me feel welcome. At least until, a popular girl didn’t like that we shared a mutual friend, Sara. The unnamed popular girl wanted to make my school life horrible for as long as I was there. This girl would laugh when I made presentations or when I would talk to my friends. She embarrassed me by constantly talking about me to people. After that I was always shy, I thought everyone would do that to me too.  That is how I got to where I am today.

“What are they saying about me? What are they thinking about me?” I am always having these insecure thoughts.

After everything that happened, I moved all the way down to Florida. I wouldn’t talk much because I was so shy and I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to be back home with my friends and family in Massachusetts. I thought that if I didn’t make any friends, my parents would feel bad and move back home, but this guilt trip wasn’t working. “Alexis, you need to make friends. I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon, and I know you can easily make friends. You better have friends over soon,” my mother said. I tried to, but I was still scared that the new people in Florida would judge me.

Some kids tried to talk to me, they’d start it off like any other conversation would. “Hey,” they would say and I’d actually tried to talk to them. We’d have random conversations like talking about how different the weather is in Florida than in Massachusetts. They would even share how they used to think I was snobby until they started talking to me.

This changed how I felt; I didn’t want people to think I was snobby! One question always ran through my mind, “Was that why a lot of people wouldn’t talk to me?” I felt so bad for people I didn’t talk to in previous schools because I was upset that they’d think the same of me. I was in a new place now, I needed friends. I knew something needed to change, if I ever wanted friends in this new place.

No matter what, I will always be worried about what people think of me. Whether they think I’m too preppy, or nerdy, or snobby, because I’m not. If people laugh at a joke their friend says as I walk by, I get scared that they’re laughing at me. I always feel like I embarrass myself in front of my peers. My peers, the ones I don’t talk to, they don’t know me, and I’m pretty sure they don’t particularly care about getting to know me.  I wish I could walk through the halls with my head held high and be confident like other kids.

Teachers or adults, I feel, understand me more than my peers in a way. If I were to have a conversation with an adult or a teacher, I can talk to them perfectly fine like there’s nothing weird about it. Maybe I was born in the wrong time period? I have had conversations with many adults and teachers, and when I talk to them I feel as though we’re the same age.

One day I did a presentation for Mrs. Studebaker’s class where I had to teach the class. It  was so much fun for me. It was really scary, though, because the students could laugh at me or make side comments about me. However, they didn’t. They appreciated my knowledge that I passed on to them, even though I felt scared and meek.

I’ve been trying to overcome my barrier of being insecure of myself little by little. Overcoming a barrier is about being able to move on from it. It may not always be gone completely, but I have reached some sort of achievement. With the help of my friends and family, I am going to overcome this barrier.